Monday, April 18, 2011

Headlines and Snippets

For whatever reason, I cannot organize my thoughts coherently enough to form a journal entry in the usual way. So, instead I'm doing headlines and snippets.

Things I want to talk about:
Having My First Period in a Year and Thinking I Was Dying
This is a pretty obvious title. But here is the story: In March 2010, I had an Implanon implanted in my arm. This is a great little device the size of a matchstick that guarantees no babies for three years. Which is awesome. The bonus was that it stopped my Aunt Flo from visiting monthly. I haven't menstruated in a full year, but last Monday I woke up one morning bleeding like the best of us. Of course, I jumped to the conclusion that I'm dying. It took me two mood swings and side cramps to figure out what was going on. The good news was that I hadn't yet given away my tampons (though I offered). I hope this is just an annual thing.
My Decision to (Radically) Avoid Contact With My Mother
I asked my mom to come down to Platteville April 4th and pick up her photo albums that I have. She was supposed to arrive at 10:00 am. She called at 12:43 pm to tell me that she wasn't coming because it was hailing like crazy. It did not hail here, and I have spent the last two weeks telling Jared we can't walk to the store/drive some place because of "The hail! the hail!" This Thursday (10 days later) I called my mother again to ask when she'll be down. She told me that the car doesn't have insurance and that the hail broke the windshield. I told her she should have informed me sooner, so that I could make arrangements. She told me that she had just found out "this morning." The whole time she kept reminding me that her phone was dying, so eventually I said fine we can hang up. She blared into the phone "Wait! Wait!" with increasing urgency. "What?" I grimaced. "Call your father! He doesn't have much time left! He's only 120 lbs!" At this point I couldn't restrain myself. I harped back that she shouldn't pity him or feel guilt or shame. He put himself into this position. Half an hour later she called back. Jared yelled down the stairs, "It's your mother." To which I replied, "If you want to talk to her, you can answer." She left a message telling me to call her back. She wants to see me, and she doesn't have "$80.00 for gas."

Now, that's the backstory. Some where between my call to my mother and her call back I had a little break down from the stress she puts me under. Also, when I thought they were going to visit on the 4th, I couldn't sleep and called my friend Brittany in a panic, because I didn't want to be alone with them. It was a good thing I called her and told her not to come too... they didn't even show up. So, here is my stance as of late Thursday night: I am done. I am through trying to talk my mother into being someone she isn't. I have given up on her. And, more importantly, I am now avoiding her. No more calls, no visits, nothing. I don't need the extra stress in my life. This seems selfish, because it is. I am the child. She is the parent. And, although as a young child I looked up to my mother as a woman who could take care of herself, she has now become a helpless, hopeless individual. I wish her the best and hope she can find the courage to seek the help she needs.
Stressing Out About Jared (Not) Packing
This week I was becoming increasingly tense about our move. My biggest issue was that, for the most part, I have been packed up for weeks; however, Jared had a closet full of god-knows-what and stuff scattered everywhere. I couldn't help him pack for two reasons: I have no clue what he wants to keep, and he won't be able to find a thing if I pack for him. Unfortunately, this led to a lot of me saying "I have no earthly idea" when asked if this or that box was important. I don't enjoy how helpless I feel sometimes when living with another person.
Moving and How Great Jared's Parents Are
How grateful I am towards Jared's parents for helping us move cannot be put into words. Jared's dad arrived right on time in a big, white, unmarked van. It became quickly apparent that he had a plan. That was a man of action. He knew exactly what went in the van first and what next. We fit a full sized mattress with box spring, two dressers, a desk, a kitchen table, three end tables, a coffee table, two kitchen chairs, the flatscreen and a whole slew of boxes into the pedo-van. We placed our orange chair, the black rolling chair, two endtables and two rugs into the mini-van. Really, this could have been a one van move. We decided that since we had the room we could bring both dressers and the rugs at the last minute. It was a regular clown-car of furniture. This van is what I would imagine Mary Poppins would drive if she liked little kids ... too much.

And, the drive up was interesting and energetic. I was in the big van with Jared's dad. We told stories and talked the whole time. I learned a lot about Jared and his family. I told Jared's dad that I was very worried about him and Jared's mom meeting my parents and that reflecting poorly on me. He told me not to worry about that. Oh! And I finally feel comfortable calling Jared's parents by their first names. (This is an issue with me and parents. What do you call them?)

Unloading with four people was very easy. Jared and his dad took up the heavy stuff. I was pretty weak from still being sick. Jared's mom was hauling stuff up stairs too. She's also very courteous with door holding. Jared and his dad went to the landlords' and picked up a loveseat out of their basement. I put together the furniture that needed to be put together and made the bed.

The only thing I'm not too thrilled about is the living room arrangement. That will need some work. I also need to put together some creative storage in the kitchen. (I'm thinkin' Ikea.) The bedroom looks great just the way it is, so that's a good thing. I want to have a good number of plants in the apartment, too. It's all very exciting.

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